Dear diary,

It’s taken me a week, but I’m finally accomplishing one of my goals for January.  To begin journaling.  I would’ve started a week ago, but I was unconscious every day until noon.  Now, I’m not going to beat myself up.  After all, my husband works crazy hours, and in this current season we’re not getting to bed until extremely late.  However, I really needed to get my act together and wake up before 10 am.  And so here we are.  I woke at 9 am when obscene sounds bigger than my phone entered my subconscious and I must say- it was very alarming.

I stumbled down the stairs and as I entered the kitchen, my love for my husband of 18 years was cemented by the scent of coffee beans brewed to perfection and still nice and hot for my enjoyment and his survival. He’s a very smart man.  Super cute too.

After pouring creamer into 2/3rd of the drama llama cup, I sat down with my notebook and bible and after selecting a playlist on my phone- I began.

(Some of it has been  pared down and some of the answers were too personal to share, so generalized.)

And so I present to you (if you’ve scrolled this far and are determined to read it all, despite the lack of pictures) a portion of my journaling efforts for January.

January 8, 2019

Well, I suppose it’s better late than never. We are officially in our second week of this new year and I’m just now coming alive to accomplish my goal for this year. To be motivated to start each day sooner and better. For the first week, I was anything but motivated. In fact, I was sleeping until almost noon.  I set the alarm for nine a.m last night. That might seem strange, like “you think that’s early?” Well, it is for me- right now.

I wanted to start journaling, so here we are.

Why? And what do I hope to gain from this?

To unlock the boxes in my mind.  To be free.  I want to be open and honest with God.  That means being open and honest with myself.  It also doesn’t hurt that it should help me write the story God is writing upon my heart.

I found journaling prompts online.

From 365 Questions for a better you (January Prompts) :

I had a week of prompts I missed while sleeping so before I started on today’s I went back and briefly answered 1-7

Jan.1 – Your biggest dream?  To spread God’s love to the world AND  To be able to help my family financially (especially with all these stupid furloughs….)

Jan. 2- What is your vision for the next year? To complete a writing project.  And losing a few pounds wouldn’t be so bad… weight , not currency  (cue pun-induced laughter)

Jan.3- How do you feel today?  Coffee

Jan. 4- What was the most important event of today? Coffee

Jan. 5- One lesson learned today?  Don’t text without your glasses and coffee.

Jan. 6-How is the weather today? I’m in Maine, how do you think it is? Cold, snowing- I love it.

Jan. 7- What’s your goal for next week? Wake up by 8:30.

And with that I was caught up to –

January 8th- How was your week? 

My week was actually really good. I got the rest that I desperately needed after the holiday hooplah of December. I was exhausted.  This first week saw me being a total and absolute bum, and I fought moments of guilt for it- but looking back, I’m so glad I took that time for myself.  By Saturday , January 5th I was refreshed and ready to tackle the next week. And I really caught up on binge watching Covert Affairs.

The next journal prompt is from “Know Thyself” in 25 questions (I find this dubious, but I am drinking coffee- we can do this)

1. What does your ideal day look like?  Coffee. Okay, I’m just kidding, my ideal day?  I would wake up well before 9 am, well rested and ready to start my day.  I’d walk, not stumble, down to the kitchen, pour myself a cup of coffee, and spend time in God’s word.   Refreshed in his presence, I’d then exercise for at least thirty seconds, ahem, minutes.  My kids and I would spend the morning together eating breakfast and just talking and learning together.  My afternoon would see me working for hours on my writing project.  My guy would come home and we’d spend the evening together.  Cooking dinner, watching a movie, and just talking about our day.  And then I’d program the coffee maker for the next day.   And there might’ve been some amazon shopping in there too.

I then copied Ephesians 2:1-10 

By writing it out it helps me to absorb His words better.  I encourage you to read Ephesians 2 whether you’re a believer or not.  While I was writing it down, Zach William’s ‘So Good to Me’ came on and suddenly the words before me came alive;  popping off of the page and straight into my heart.

Ya’ll, I’ve read the words of Ephesians 2 many many times, as I imagine many of you have as well.  But this morning, it’s like scales fell off of my eyes and I saw it in a new and amazing way.  And it wasn’t just the caffeine kicking in.

He loves me.  He. Loves. Me.  Despite where I’ve been or even where I might go.  He loves me so completely. He sees something in me that I’ve never seen nor could even imagine.  He gives His love and grace; his forgiveness.  Freely without question.  I can’t earn it.  I will never be worthy of it.

What a relief!  Oh the weight that was lifted from upon my world wearied shoulders.  The stress, the fear, the sheer terror that one wrong move; one fatal mistake and that would be it.  The paralyzing hold of doubt and fear that says “You will never be enough.  Don’t you remember when…..” or “How can you claim to be a Christian, just yesterday…”  “——- would never do that.  You need to be more like them.  See?  They have it all put together.  Why would God care for you?”  And oh so many many more.

Gone was the pressure and in its place, the grace to live my life to my best ability. Hand in hand with Him.

I don’t know what lies have been drifting into your minds.  What hurts lie dormant in those locked boxes of your mind.  I don’t know where you’ve been or where you’re going.  But God does.  And He loves you.  He’s extending His hand out to you.

Will you take it?

Now, I want to say, I’m going to share/journal on here each day, but I’ve learned to know myself (with just one question!!!!  kidding) so, let’s just say here and there I’ll share.

Have an amazing day and hey! We’ve made it to the second week of January.  Also week 3 of all this fun furlough stuff (I debated whether or not to keep this on here, but I promised to always be myself and well- this is part of our life.  Thank God that our God is not a politician and we’re always provided for through Him.  And yay, ramen noodles!!)